So tip #1? When you are dating someone, getting to know them, it may sound a bit weird but ask them if they have both of their balls (you know, down there, in the nether regions or in one BLIND COPY subject’s case: OH-NO-NOPE- NEVER regions.)
Let’s call first party Accomplice 1 (no relation to previous entry). So A1 has been seeing this guy for quite some time and they are taking it slow, getting to know one another without doing it in the biblical sense just yet. So it’s date four and date five and date six and nothing so A1 is thinking the guy he is seeing is either 1.) really into monogamy and wants to take it slow; how cute 2.) way too shy 3.) an ex-Mormon with self-hatred residue still attached 4.) hiding something grisly. Bingo! Guess which one it is!?!?
Let’s call Accomplice 2, One Ball Willie (need I write more; I will though). So they decide it’s time to do the do and well, OBW decides he is going to play a game of find out where the un -descended ball/testicle is. I know A1 and he isn’t very much into games of this nature so when OBW says “Do you notice anything different down there?” he must have been horrified! Poor baby, A1!
I mean I have no problem with abnormalities. Hell, I have a unusually large… brain…that’s it… brain … but, come on, OBW, let someone know! I say say it on the first date like “Hi, my name is OBW and I have one ball… Now what movie was it that we are going to see?”
I mean it’s like going to a department store, seeing that shoe on the display, you want it but also know full well when you decide you are going to buy it, the sales person will have two — yes, two — shoes in the box when you leave. But, this time, you get home, and lo and behold, Jimmy-CHEWED up the other shoe and there’s just one. One sad sad sad shoe!
A1, start checking the box before you leave the department store is all I am saying, if you know what I mean. I am not saying sleep with a guy on the first date but maybe ask if he has had a full physical this year. If not, might be entree for you two to do the move your head to the side and cough thing! They wouldn’t know the difference. It’s either that or next thing you know, it’s three months or more down the road and that’s when you find out the other shoe/ball/whatever has yet to drop!
Wow! Where does A1 find these blokes?!?!