Gangsta’s Paradise!

August 20, 2009

dollhouse-collage2Now you know I am not one to gossip, ha, but I also realize I haven’t written a blind item in quite sometime…

So John Doe-eyed has this obsession with what our gays lovingly refer to as homothugs — that illustrious cadre of gays who have a swagger, a style, an inflection in their voice all to their own.  They are like the Tupac to the common gay’s I don’t know…  Shakira.   The homothug (if said species truly exists) has a prodigious amount of masculinity, so much so that it oozes out of pores and from the crack of their exposed asses in their baggy jeans!  Dey frem dem grimy streaaaats!

Anyhoo, so, yeah, John likes these kinds of guys and never really heeds the advice/maxims that his friends spew like “thug in the streets, gay-er than gay in the sheets”; “I saw him voguing at…”; or “how you gonna be gay and a thug at the same time?”  But, John, he is so blind and seeks homothugs out with such voracity that looks and personality are secondary to that overall thuggish appeal.

So John had been seeing this Thug for a bit.  John, the old-school broad he is,  actually waits a good two to three dates before he takes Thug up on his offer to see his place.  What should have been John’s first clue that something was askew?  Well, turns out Thug lives in the very very scary and dangerous hood known as D.U.M.B.O.  You know?  Where median price range of  lofts can be  in the upper-millions.  I love me a struggling down-and-dirty gansta!

Unfortunately, John’s second clue wouldn’t be until he actually entered Thug’s apartment that crisp Boyz N Da Hood-esque night.  Once inside, thug leads him into what could only have been described as a shrine — museum if you will — of the most gangsta porcelain dollhouses this side of the Mason-Dixon Line.  In every corner, every nook, every cranny, there was a porcelain-ed replica of some cottage or some intricately designed antebellum mansion fit for a queen of queens.

John said he never made it past the one perched dangerously close to Thug’s vanity just outside the bathroom before he started to feel a little retch surfacing.  Of course, John instantly came down with the “flu” and had to leave.  That’s all sounds as suspicious as Thug’s swag!

File under: if a thug falls in a forest and ruins his new Timbs and no one is around to hear it, did he really have timbs on in the first place?  Put them heels on, girl!  W-E-R-K!


Magic Dragon pt. 2

January 25, 2009

dragon3So this recent movie that came out chronicling the life and times of one of Brooklyn’s most prolific rappers had me thinking not about my love and admiration for my hometown boy (yeah, I got love for him; I am so gangsta, like totally) but got me thinking about my gays and the hip-hop industry.

For years, there has been gossip, exposés  planned, articles written and even a book or two penned discussing the clandestine gay happenings in the misogynistic — and many times openly homophobic — world of hip-hop.

I think it would be silly of us all to think there aren’t well-known hip-hop artists and/or executives who are in fact gay.  I have known for years now that there are said gays who exist.

So let’s call said gay Magic Dragon.  MD is a major major force to be reckoned with and his influence hasn’t just been that of hip-hop glory so he has a mass appeal that’s undeniable.  Trust me, even if you do not follow this type of music, you know him!

I know MD through varying degrees of separation throughout the years. Actually, he is one person in the industry I could never seem to get away from no matter what new project or  job I take.  One or more of those degrees we share make him gayer than a Capri cigarette hanging from a burly set of lips.

So story goes that back in the day he use to be really adamant about not just promoting his up-and-coming artists but promoting what he would dub “male bonding sessions” with certain artists on the roster and members of his recording team and record label.  See “bonding” for MD wasn’t your normal fare of going to a bar, a sportsman-ly game of basketball, or something uninteresting like that.  In fact, he was into what my gays would call circle jerks.  Nope it ain’t a circle of really influential soda jerks either (can soda jerks even be influential?)  CJs are where a group of men get together and squeeze the cannoli, if you know what I mean.  I won’t get anymore graphic because I am a lady… I mean a gentleman.  MD wouldn’t be silly and just ask anyone to join these parties but one or two of the people he did ask weren’t too happy about it and let it spill.

This brings me to yet again to the fact that Wendy Williams isn’t as dumb as she looks.  I am not sure if she ever mentioned MD was gay but I know she doesn’t like him too many and says she has hardcore evidence that one of MD’s former protégés was.  And she would be right as MD and he both use to be the ringleaders and organizers of these circle jerks of fire.  (Wendy, girl, we need to compare notes.  I have been holding a lot of this stuff in for years.)

MD will probably profess to everyone around him that he is secure with his manhood.  And to the untrained eye he is.  He is a “straight man” with beautiful women always in his sights, even public records of infidelity that make him a lady’s man to the media and you, yet all around him are his gays from his fashion designers to his publicists to his assistants.   Actually, I know his personal stylist (who goes with him EVERYWHERE) who is gay, gay, and gayer!  Though I haven’t gotten to know him well enough to see if he could re-confirm the things I know, I get the sense that something is in the air when I converse with him anyway.

I think guys like MD are a new form of DL gay men (especially in the entertainment world) emerging: the closeted man who by all accounts lives a straight life in public but also proclaims to everyone he is so comfortable with his sexuality that he can have hoards of gay men around him.

I think I may be stalked, bruised and then battered  for this entry so I am going to stop here.  If the entries end abruptly after this point please inform the police of this particular entry  and… and… TELL MY MOM I LOVE HER!!! Hahaha…